“喂，请问是拉总么？”，拉波尔塔办公桌上的电话响起了。
“嘿，您好，我是胡安，请问您是？”
“我是你永远的朋友，不变的基伙伴，马西莫啊，您还记得上次我们在Nike酒会上见过面的啊。”
“哦，莫二叔，是你啊。有什么可以帮助您的？”
“我没什么，只是前几天听Figo说起，您最近很苦恼啊。我来慰问一下，帮您排解排解，你知道要不是三年前，我联系了电信局，我怕是苦恼了20年。这不刚好到电信局长家做客，看到免费的电话，就给您打一个来。”
“莫二叔，您真仗义，不愧是春教首席护法，信春哥，得永生啊。”
“嘘，小声点，最近我发觉我身边的人已经入了曾门了，你知道曾门么，据说曾门跟史泰龙有亲戚关系的。”
“哦，这样啊，放心，我萨12万会员会帮你祈福的。”
“唉，会员制真好啊，什么不干，光收会费就百万入账，还不算买球衣，订球票。哪像我，整个俱乐部跟吸血鬼一样的压榨我，我都快被我大哥开除族籍了。”
“二叔，你不在这个位置，不知道我的难处啊。12万人闹起来，我连小命都保不住。”
“咦，听你这口气，好像很不顺啊。你萨可是新晋三冠王啊，会员还有什么不满意的？”
“呸，现在谁在乎我这三冠啊，所有的风头都被佩雷斯那老B头子抢走了。东撬您对门，北上搞C·罗，连本泽马这种都不放过，各个还都是大手笔，所有的目光都被他拉走了。整个12万会员都跟我这吵呢，要我买人买人。TNND，眼看着老子任期要满了，该拿的也拿了，正要跑路去大区议会混呢，这当口整这么一出，愁死了。”
“我靠，你说佩雷斯，我还没找他算帐呢，七年前，愣是把我心爱的干儿子挖走了，然后又连续处理好多个高薪给我，让我供着。”
“可不咋地，我正想辙买两个人平平民愤。你也知道，被佩雷斯这么一折腾，全球有名有姓的球员身价都上来了，我连去中超挖人的心思都有了。”
“兄弟，要稳，莫慌，可不能病急乱投医啊，中超全是Chinese Kungfu Master，给钱少了，就当上球霸整你呢。”
“那可咋整啊，我都愁死了。二叔，您道行深，又跟贝秃子打交道20年了，能不能教我两招。”
“马了个八字的，我要是有那智商教你，我能被狗日的神圣同盟欺负这么多年么？除了买人，真没别的招了。”
“这个，真没有可以买的球员了……”
“这个可以有。你可知道，在那遥远的斯堪的纳维亚半岛上，有一支足坛奇葩。他身长六尺，英眉剑目，俏唇钩鼻，一双招风耳，扇得天下安；两只天蝎脚，甩遍宇宙门。动如壁虎，静若蜘蛛。少得志，横行尼德兰。遂助都灵斑马登顶亚平宁。恰逢电话，被蓝黑蛇招致麾下。屡建奇功，平定意大利。自诩天下第一，无人可匹。人称‘东汉吕布，瑞典伊布’。此等强人，相信足以平息民愤的。”
“合着您是来推销的啊？”
“拉弟，话不能这么说。其实你也知道我的心病了，迟迟不得在欧冠上扬眉吐气，光扫平尤文、米兰对我而言，根本无法同家严相提并论。而这伊布，欧冠上屡屡不得破门之术，薪水又高，我这钱花的心疼啊。俗话说‘树挪死，人挪活’，兴许他去了你萨就能扬名立万，笑傲江湖了。我又省了笔钱，你也掌握了民调。况且，每个赛季都会上演两场伊布+梅西PK卡卡+C·罗的大戏，这套票卖得还不是杠杠的，转播费还不是炒得哗哗的？这是双赢的事啊。”
“呃……这个嘛，我手头上现在能挪用的也就30M，一下子用掉了，剩下一个月可帐目上不好交代啊。你看这样行么，我出15M+我萨的大嘴，换你的伊布，如何？”
“这，怕是不合适吧，你想伊布心气那么高，一看到自己才值15M+一个改了年龄的前锋，跟同龄的两个金球一比，难免有怨言啊。”
“那我再搭一个赫莱布吧，说好了啊，赫莱布是租借，我这边厢要是下赛季推倒重建，兴许还用得到白俄罗斯人呢。”
“现在那些个白痴媒体+弱智球迷，只认得cash，没人关心搭头，何况这搭头也没啥吸引力。要不你看这样好不好，您帮忙一次性把大嘴的两年税前工资帮我交了，然后加上15M和租借的赫莱布，一共是40M+大嘴+租借赫莱布。这样你有面子，又成功解套了，还不用受会员指责，又把媒体吸引力拉回到你三冠王这来，多划算啊。”
“这样听起来，我很亏啊，我一下子负担两个高薪球员的薪水……”
“伊布这种朝三暮四的主，不会看的那么长远，您忽悠他一年税后的钱比我多给几十万，他就乐屁颠屁颠了。再说了，这钱也不是你的，都是银行和会员的。你不弄个把人来压服他们，你以后咋圈钱来跟皇马搞军备竞赛？这就叫舍不得孩子套不到狼，舍不得媳妇抓不到流氓。”
“二叔，您太有道了。我这就准备合同去。”
“先别急着声张，我还得去忽悠伊布去，省得还得给他一笔遣散费呢。”
“那您抓紧办，我急着通知媒体煽呼呢。”
“OK，保持电联。”
“Hasta pronto！”
“Ci vediamo presto！”
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你写的？